memo:

To: All Keepernsol employees

Subject: Employee of the Month /Emergency fire management procedures 

    It was brought to my attention that water might be used to put out some types of industrial fires as opposed to acetone, as I have recently proposed in a prior memo. I discussed the idea with Keeper & Sol's lead engineers and our research and development team, and we have arrived at the following confusions. We felt that water could potentially reach its boiling point before successfully quenching a fire. This might in turn lead to a large production of steam, which could combine with our stored raw carbon materials and become converted into unstable hydrocarbons. This might possibly further chain into a quantum or bilateral array of variables which includes a calculable .04% risk of initializing unstable molecular de-bonding, in turn creating a theoretical risk of thermonuclear reaction, if there happens to be a suspended residual stagnation of randomly charged particles present. I requested that our head of R&D,  Dr. Davidson, do a controlled study to determine the actual risks of using water for a fire. The project was quickly passed down to our newest employee, Mr. Ikahn, as Dr. Davidson was fully engaged in a study of power naps and their benefits to productivity in the lab. Thanks to Mr. Ikahn's dedication, he successfully completed all the scheduled tests over the past weekend. Just as we anticipated, the tests proved that water would not put out any type of fire, and only created unnecessary risks to the lab. Therefore we intend to maintain the policy of using acetone in the event of an accidental fire in the lab, due to its rapid and thorough evaporation properties which eliminate risk of contamination of our raw materials. Due to Mr. Ikahn's outstanding efforts in proving my theory, we will be welcoming him as assistant director in our R&D department, where he will be working (napping) closely along side Dr. Davidson, who has generated two million dollars in federal grants for our company, thanks to his vaguely encouraging data results from his power nap study. 
          Most of you are probably not aware of Mr. Ikahn's interesting work history. You may have noticed his name is of Arabic descent. Mr. Ikahn Bolshetahlot is originally from Iran, where he worked in research and development for the department of defense. He was the head of a program intended to develop short range cruise missiles. Unfortunately, on an initial test of his first missile, which was targeted for Baghdad, the missile failed. It ascended over two thousand feet, then fell to the ground near the launch pad. Fortunately, it also failed to detonate. However, it did happen to rupture a large fuel storage tank, which spilled into his nearby R&D complex. The fuel was inadvertently ignited by Mr. Ikahn during the cleanup, when he mistakenly lit a cigarette as he exited his fuel soaked lab. Mr. Ikahn was deported to Iraq shortly thereafter, where he was then appointed as the head of a special R&D project for Iraq's department of defense intelligence. He was supposed to have built an early warning radar detection system that would give advanced detection of incursions into Iraq's air space. After the undetected incursion of over 5,000 allied forces aircraft, it was determined that his system would need further development after his execution. Just prior to what was to be his execution by firing squad, he was able to convince Iraq's military leaders that he had fixed the defect in his cruise missile design. During the test launch, he was able to slip away and escape when his missile failed and destroyed the entire test launch facility. He was eventually picked up by allied forces and was granted US citizenship. He was immediately recruited by NASA / JPL but was laid off due to budget cuts in the space agency. NASA's misfortune is now ours as we welcome Mr. Ikahn Bolshetahlot from his arduous journey which has led him to our development team! 

Note: Our R&D lab will be temporarily relocated due to fire damage.